well it's my very first blog post. i've been wanting to do this for awhile now, but have been putting it off for various reasons. writing is what i know and when you've had the summer my family has had you can understand why writing our story will help us to move on.
our fairytale began
dh and i found out in march we were expecting a new addition to our little family. we were a little shocked considering we weren't trying, but thrilled to be adding a baby into the mix. in april we found out we weren't just going to be adding one baby to our family, but two...that's right twins! our joy soon turned to heartbreak when just 4 weeks later we found out baby b was no longer with us.we were of course devestated, but comforted by the fact that baby a appeared to be thriving.
fast forward another 3 weeks.
my husband is in the navy and deployed at the end of may. it's not something we were looking forward to, especially with me being pregnant, but it's one of those things you just have to deal with. the first few days of him being gone were tough, but we made it through. 10 days after my husband left i got the phone call that would forever alter our lives.
fairytale interupted
have you ever felt like your world is crashing around you and you're left completely helpless while standing in the middle of the rubble? i have, in fact that's how i've felt since june. just after my husband deployed my doctor's office called to tell me the results of my quad screen had come back abnormal and they needed to move my ultrasound date up a week. immediately my stomach began twisting into a knot. i arrived for my ultrasound and to my delight...it's a GIRL! our hopes for a life filled with tea parties, ballet and dress up were soon crushed when one "marker" after another was found. these "markers" caused my doctor to refer us to the high risk specialist in our area.
a week later all hope had been lost. the high risk doctor's advised me to have an amniocentesis and just a few days later our fears were confirmed. our precious daughter was diagnosed Full Trisomy 13, an extremely rare chromosomal abnormality that is not compatible with life outside the womb. in fact, it's one of the worst chromosome problems a baby can have and still be born alive although, not all babies who have it are born alive and rarely do they make it full term. our daughter isn't expected to live long after birth, if she makes it that far. we were told by our genetic counselor that in our case, this condition isn't hereditary but rather a "glitch" that occurred just after conception.
what now?
we believe that God is the author of life and only He can write "the end" in her story. it's been a long road to walk in such a short amount of time, but we're determined to treasure every day that He gives us with our daughter. never in my worst nightmare did i think i'd have to plan the funeral of one of my children. to say my heart is completely shattered is an understatement.
how are we doing?
that's a loaded question! some days we're okay and others we're not. many times i've commented that this has to be some sort of dream that i'll wake up from soon. we try to take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. we still have many moments of sadness, disbelief, shock, anger and grief. we're at an interesting place to be at emotionally...grieving the daughter who is still alive inside of me, yet we know she can die at any moment. it's hard not to get lost in self pity or jealousy of friends whose babies are thriving. through it all though we hope that people will be drawn to God through her tiny little life.
1 Peter 5:10 "Keep a firm grip on the faith, your suffering won't last forever. Our generous God who has great plans for us in Christ,(eternal and glorious plans they are!) will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word!" 1 Peter 5:10
how are we doing?
that's a loaded question! some days we're okay and others we're not. many times i've commented that this has to be some sort of dream that i'll wake up from soon. we try to take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. we still have many moments of sadness, disbelief, shock, anger and grief. we're at an interesting place to be at emotionally...grieving the daughter who is still alive inside of me, yet we know she can die at any moment. it's hard not to get lost in self pity or jealousy of friends whose babies are thriving. through it all though we hope that people will be drawn to God through her tiny little life.
1 Peter 5:10 "Keep a firm grip on the faith, your suffering won't last forever. Our generous God who has great plans for us in Christ,(eternal and glorious plans they are!) will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word!" 1 Peter 5:10
